The Border Collies

"Oh s$$t!" Ron exclaimed.

"What?" I said.

Ron stood bolt upright to block my view of our window seat in the kitchen. "Nothing!"

At this moment it is midnight and I now notice a small dark object on the seat, hidden in the shadows. "Is it a bird?"

"No."

"Is it a mouse?"

"Nope."

"Dog poop?"

"No."

Long pause. Again I ask,"Is it a bird?"

"Maybe..."

"Huh?!"

"It's not that bad...."

"What's not that bad?"

"It looks like it was peaceful when it happened."

"When what happened?"

"Just don't come over here. Go do something else."

I turn around then stop to consider turning back to look and think better of it. You are probably wondering why I came back to asking about it being a bird. My first thought in my mind is border collie #2 who I recently found with a young bird flapping about in his mouth a few days prior. I was able to get the bird to safety but I'm sure it had a heart attack within the hour. I would too if I were playing "games" with a dog and I weighed less than a pound.

Here I introduce border collie #2.

I say #2 not because he is inferior to border collie #1 but to reference the fact that he was adopted months later after border collie #1. Border collie #2 was once named Cookie, then Mikey, until we rescued him and decided on the name Roscoe. Roscoe is definitely a person reincarnated and I don't even believe in reincarnation. But he thinks (a lot!) about....well I am not sure and that's what worries me. You often find him hovering over mole holes, cocking his head as if to ask, "Mole! Why are you underground? Come see me. I want to meet you and we could play together! Oh okay. I'll dig you out instead. And eat you."

We rescued Roscoe with very little information on his background except records of some food allergies and notes that he was a bit hyper. I still remember day one with Roscoe. So sweet, he looked. His low wagging tail greeting me. Later I heard a crash from him flipping a newly made cake onto the ground with its cake stand. And he wasn't sure of border collie #1.

That's Bernie. Another rescue who was a stray. Bernie is the most blissed out being I know. He is in a constant state of craziness, love of life and joy. When he yawns, he shakes his head simultaneously with a low shriek, barely containing his need for an activity. But we love these dogs. So much so that we have backpacks we never use for them, life jackets, toys galore and 5 acres. Yeah, I'm pretty sure we got 5 acres for two border collies.

I spent the last month outside intrigued by birds that would fly close by me to land only a few yards away. I thought, "Gosh these birds are getting so used to us being around all the time that they don't even care!" Then I noticed Bernie cocking his head left and right above a spot on the porch. Aha! A nest was found with baby birds! How cute! Then Roscoe discovered it.

Based on the position of the nest I thought they would be fine until I noticed Roscoe in the yard "playing" with a young bird I mentioned earlier. I'm not truly sure if Roscoe is to blame for a bird dead on the window seat but I wouldn't put it past him. He has caught a squirrel, moles, rats and been found munching a chipmunk. I have been startled many times by these encounters, spitting out expletives when I catch him in the act.

Bernie and Roscoe. My obsessions. My "kids." Yes, we are one of those annoying couples who talks about their dogs as if we made them ourselves. "You should see Bernie when he plays in his kiddie pool! And Roscoe is such a hoot but kind of nuts. But he is getting better now that he is on meds."

I mention medication because Roscoe has a doggie dermatologist. I know. It's insanity. My regular vet calls him the million dollar dog. He has a heart murmur that needs to be monitored, he's accident prone, his anal glands are always blocked, he has cholesterol deposits in his eyes, and he is allergic to EVERYTHING. Bills. And more bills. But Bernie would be lost without him. WE would be lost without him. The two of them together provide immense joy and an abundance of entertainment. They annoy the crap out of each other and at the same time they LOVE each other. And yet, Ron wants another. He sends me emails with subject lines such as, "Save me. I need help." I open the email to find pictures of border collies up for adoption in states as far as Idaho and Washington. I'll catch Ron at the computer where he confesses he has been looking at border collie rescue sights for an hour. Better that than porn, yes, but I think about the insanity of having three herding dogs that only herd us. I can barely handle walking the two of them and I can not imagine walking three! But then, I look at the pictures in the emails and respond to Ron with, "Please buy this dog immediately. I'll get the car ready."